Is this workshop for us?

This is a very good question.  As couple therapists, we see couples in many states of distress and it's impossible to perfectly predict who will be successful and who will not.  We do believe that EFT and Hold Me Tight® offer a state of the art methodology of working with couples in distress.  In fact, even couples in tremendous distress can benefit from Hold Me Tight® and many of the circumstances below exist on a continuum.  Often, the answers are more complex than simple. Here are a few circumstances that may indicate other interventions might be important before taking this workshop, or at the very least warrant discussion with one of the leaders before you register. 

1.     Affairs.  Because it is very difficult, if not impossible, to repair one attachment relationship when there is another competing attachment relationship, Hold Me Tight® would not be recommended if there is an active, ongoing affair, especially if one partner does not want to end the affair.  Many couples have come to Hold Me Tight® after the discovery or disclosure of an affair when both members of the couple have decided to focus on healing the injuries from the affair.  And many, if not most, of those couples have had significant healing as a result of their participation, even in just the two days of the workshop.  However, an active affair, particularly one that is undisclosed, would make it virtually impossible for genuine healing to occur in the relationship. 

2.     Abuse. Abuse is a term that evokes strong feelings and vivid images yet abuse occurs on a continuum.  Sometimes, it's an infrequent "one off" event after escalation of conflicts.  Other times, there is a predictable, strategic manipulation for domination, power and control.  If you are experiencing the latter situation, or if there is significant domestic emotional, physical, or sexual violence that is not being treated, Hold Me Tight® is not recommended.    The entirety of the workshop is designed to help couples become vulnerable with each other and there must be a baseline of sufficient physical, emotional and sexual safety for participants to risk vulnerability.  If you are suffering significant domestic violence, please contact one of the facilitators for resources. If your situation exists in a less severe part of the continuum, we invite you to contact one of the presenters to review your specific situation.

3.     Addiction.  Alcohol and drug use (as well as other addictions such as gambling or porn/sex addiction) exist on a continuum between use, abuse, and addiction.  Sometimes, problematic alcohol, drug use, or porn use is part of what couples work on together in couple therapy or Hold Me Tight®.  Other times, alcohol abuse, drug abuse or other addictions fall more clearly into the realm of a primary disorder urgently needing treatment.  In the latter situation, it is recommended that the addictive disorder is treated first (or is being treated) before registering for Hold Me Tight®.  If you are unsure where things are for you in this regard, please contact one of the presenters to review your specific situation.

4.    Other psychological disorders. It is difficult to benefit from Hold Me Tight® when there is interruption from a significant psychological disorder that is untreated or under-treated.  Unresolved PTSD, OCD, Major Depression, significantly debilitating Anxiety, etc. would likely interfere with the ability to benefit fully from the weekend experience.  It is important to also say that if these or similar conditions are being treated, are stable, and psychological/psychiatric treatment is concurrently available as needed, Hold Me Tight® can help couples recover from the impact these conditions have had in their relationships.   

5.     Agendas. It is important to assess agendas or goals that members of a couple have as they consider Hold Me Tight® (or couple therapy).  Undoubtedly, many people feel confused and unsure of what might happen as a result or even what they want to happen.  That is perfectly OK.  However, if one member is clear that they do not want the relationship while the other one does, it would be unlikely that Hold Me Tight® would be a good and helpful experience.  Having said that, a couple recently came to Hold Me Tight® two weeks after they decided to move forward with divorce.  They had a transformative experience in the workshop and their feedback was that the workshop gave them hope and tools for them to recover their love and restore their marriage. Attachment to a beloved is a powerful thing. Hold Me Tight® and Emotionally Focused Therapy offer effective ways to fan an ember back into a flame when that is what two people still long for.

If these or other concerns cause you to feel unsure whether Hold Me tight® is right for you, please contact one of the facilitators to discuss your concerns.